We consider a tunable hybrid device composed of four quantum dots and a floating superconducting island – the so-called poor man's tetron – close to its effective particle-hole symmetric point and coupled to four external leads. We predict the onset of a charge Kondo effect mediated by Cooper pairs, resulting from the strong crossed Andreev reflections that dominate its low-energy behavior. This two-channel Kondo effect makes the poor man's tetron behave as a double Cooper pair splitter, turning uncorrelated incoming electrons into spatially separated Cooper pairs. Based on renormalization group techniques, we analyze both its weak and strong coupling regimes and we determine its non-Fermi liquid signatures. Our estimates indicate that the fractional conductance and transport features associated to this two-channel charge Kondo effect can be observed over a broad range of temperatures and anisotropies in realistic experimental conditions.